Dearest Ron
When you were a child, I would sometimes tell you that you were teaching me how to be a mom. Then, when you were about 10, you stopped me with this: “Wait a minute! Does that mean Joe gets a better Mom than me?” Your thinking was always a step ahead of mine.
Throughout life, you challenged me, laughed with me, forgave me, and told me what you needed. I did the same. When you were about 16 and our relationship was strained by your need for independence and my need for parental control, we each read and then discussed the book Parent Effectiveness Training based on the concept of mutual respect. It helped us understand what we were not getting right. That’s how much you cared. Even at 16, you were engaged enough to read that book so that we could negotiate strategies to benefit us both.
Since you left in 2015, you continue to teach me how to be your Mom. My first words upon learning you were gone: “I forgive” not sure who or what I was forgiving. Then the knowing: “There is nothing to forgive.” Then wisdom: “I understand, Ron.” Then the wrenching grief: “Oh I am so sorry. So sorry.” Sorry for anything I did or did not do that brought us to this moment. And then, the plea: “Dear God, If You will help me through this, I will forgive everybody everything forever.” Your powerful love and spiritual essence led me to that understanding.
How often through the months and years, have I rocked and cried, “Ron, I am so sorry. So sorry” over and over. And I would hear you, “Oh Mom, you’re so roughed up,” your words for anyone in pain, “So sorry you’re roughed up, Mom.”
Now that I am about to enter my 6th Mothers Day without the flowers, the Phillies tickets, or just the right card, I know more deeply how you are at my side. You rescue me from despair.
You are there with our ancestors, holding and lifting me when it all becomes overwhelming. You have done that from the first moment when my shattered heart instinctively provided the words, “I forgive.”
You inspire me to be strong and brave so that, even in the agony of the grief and loss, I love, cherish, and value my life. This is because I know you are beside me, near as my shoulder, like a soft breeze against my cheek. I consciously live my life in a way that would make you proud of me, even as I grieve and long for your presence, your touch, your laughter. It’s like we have a pact. I am your voice; you are my inspiration.
You give me the courage to be free in ways that I might not otherwise be. Because of you, with your brother beside me, my soul could be seemingly lifted to heaven in South Africa at the sound of the Soweto Gospel Choir singing “Hallelujah,” I am a stronger advocate for justice, Joe and I created a music video of Alexander Hamilton and, in another music video, the joyful audacity to dance with chickens!
Everything I do, I do for you, for my healing and the healing of the world. My heart, you and the world are one entity. I claim that for my truth.
Because of you, everything I undertake is holy and sacred. Because of you, I need not fear. Because of you, when I mourn, my lament reaches a depth I never knew could exist in one human body. Because of you, when I laugh, I laugh with a freedom that comes with the certainty that joy still lives at the deepest core of my being. As an ancient psalmist wrote, “Weeping may endure the night but joy comes in the morning.”
Healing does not mean an end to grief. Healing can mean the possibility of a fuller embrace of a love so profound and a grief so deep that both are transformative and redemptive.
I believe that receiving you into my womb, birthing you into life, nourishing you from my body, loving you through every age and stage then, through a world of tears, accepting your return Home is, after all, the one singular act of perfect love attainable in this life.
You continue to teach me, Ron.
Grief Warrior 
Marge, thank you for sharing these deep and loving thoughts with me. Happy Mother’s Day. Vera
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Dear Vera, I so appreciate your affirmation.
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It never really leaves you. I think of Ron all the time. Once in awhile out of the blue thoughts of him come to me. ❤️
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Dearest Donna, thank you so much. Thank you for thinking about Ron “out of the blue.” I love that. I am sorry to ask you this, but which of my beloved Donnas are you?
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Your work and words are holy and I am grateful for you. Thanks, Kathye T
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Dearest Kathye, you cannot imagine what your words mean to me. Thank you.
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What a beautiful Mother’s Day tribute to both Ron and yourself.. It inspires me to be a better mother and person Thank you dear sister.
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Such a beautiful thing to write, Sylvia. Thank you so much.
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Dear Marge,
What a beautiful Mother’s Day letter/ reflection dedicated to Ron. I was so touched by your honesty and heartfelt love for Ron that will never go away, even though there is an earthly separation.
Indeed, Ron is always with you, inspiring you, encouraging you, and celebrating with you those moments of joy you experience – and so freely share with others. I have seen that joy and it makes my heart sing!
I wish you a peace-filled, loving Mother’s Day as I imagine you and Tom and Joe will celebrate together.
With love,
Mary Anne
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Thank you so much, Mary Anne. It helps for me to be able to say these things and know that friends such as you hear with your heart.
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You’re a wonderful friend, Mary Anne. Thank you.
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Thank you for your love and support, Mary Anne. I did have a nice Mother’s Day. I am grateful.
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I hope your day today was OK. It’s such a complicated day. Your words here touched my heart deeply.
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Marge, thank you for sharing your deepest feelings with us, most of which I can relate to the loss of my son Peter.
We never forget the pain, but also the joy of their presence.
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Thank you so much, Rita. I remember well talking to you after mass shortly after Ron left. I am glad to know you can relate. Holding you in prayer on this Mother’s Day.
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Marge, Thanks for sharing your Mom memories with Ron. It seems you had a very unique relationship and Ron obviously felt he won the lottery to have you as his Mother. That’s a beautiful memory for you to hold on to even through your missing him beyond belief. With Love and Blessings, Cassie
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Thank you so much, Cassie. I am grateful for the ability to articulate these things as it really helps.
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Dear Marge- I love this writing so much. I started to read it earlier but was in a rush and wanted to wait until I had a moment to savor it and take it in. Thank you for your words.
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Deirdre, thank you so much for your affirmation of my writing. I am grateful to have the ability to articulate it.
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Marge,
Thank you for sharing so much of yourself through your beautiful writing. Your bond with Ron seems to deepen as you navigate your grief. Happy Mother’s Day!
Chrissie
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So sweet to hear from you, Chrissie. Thank you so much for your affirmation. Hope you are all doing well.
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“It’s like we have a pact. I am your voice; you are my inspiration.” I now realize that I have been trying to express this for many years but never managed to put the words together correctly. You said it absolutely perfectly. THANK YOU, dear Marge. I love you.
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Spiegs, I hope you know how dear you are to me. Thank you so much.
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It is such a life giving gift ….. to receive these “revelations” from your own journeys of the heart. So clear and profound.
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Thank you for your unfailing love and support, Bonnie.
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Thank you so much for this beautiful articulation of your grief and hope, Marge. Wrapping you in love, blessing, and comfort on this Mother’s Day 2021.
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Turns out it did post, Sharon! Thank you so much for being such a tender friend.
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Thanks for sharing such deep spiritual insights of grief. You and Ron both are part of my life in this journey of life for which I’m very grateful. Ron and I easily established a connection. May he continue teaching us both. I don’t have your gift of words but am most grateful for your sharing. Much love and prayers, Marguerite
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Thank you for this beautiful response, Marguerite. I enjoyed your connection with Ron so much. There’s no question but that he remains near.
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